NappyLove

For the past few weeks, I’ve been obsessively searching out pictures of locked heads, trying to find out how many locs the person has.  I’ve been looking and counting and separating my twists trying to get a certain loc count.  See, I never counted my first set of locs, but I estimate I had about 140-150, somewhere in that ballpark.  And I admit, I really would like to stay in that same range.  Not too big, not too small.  Somewhere along the way, probably when I found myself using the search feature on Nappturality at 3 in the morning, I realized that I was taking it a little too far. Honestly, what I was trying to achieve was a recreation of my first set of locs, and realistically, that’s just not going to happen.

I had to accept that everything that first set of locs meant to me will always be very real and very special, but…they’re gone.  And I had valid reasons for taking them down.  No matter how much I wanted to, I can’t re-grow those same locs again.  And that’s okay.  I thought about everything I experienced over those five years and how my locs brought me new friendships, love, a renewed sense of confidence – I may be placing too much emphasis on my hair, but I do not think it is coincidental that all of this energy came into my life while I had these locs.  I think that’s part of the reason I miss them still, why I was so intent on trying to recreate that exact magic.

But it is okay.  This is the second time around.  This new set will be different; I am different.  This set is sankofa, a return home.

Life has been pretty hectic around these parts.  My first semester as a grad student has been interesting, to say the least.  While I LOVE my MFA program, I’m really not digging the night classes. Not really into teaching English Composition either, but it pays the bills. Or at least makes a half-ass attempt at paying the bills.

So, I got my hair done, twisted in really cute, really tight two-strands (which, ironically, are not the same twists I have in this picture).  I’m leaving these suckas in until they loc.  Well, I have to “fix” some of the parting, because some of them are two small,  but this is how it’s going to be.  I just do not have the time for loose hair.  And even though I was enjoying this part of the nappy journey, with my schedule, something had to change. The detangling is a monstrous bitch that I’m tired of fighting.  It was taking me freaking hours to detangle my hair thoroughly and no amount of shower pressure or conditioner could cut down the time.

And…I missed my locs.  It probably sounds all sappy and tired, but I really do miss them.  The other day I looked at the only loc that I did cut off (one of my favorites) and just reveled in how strong it was.  In my mind it was a lot thicker than in reality. 

I’m ready for the budding and fuzzing and the annoying little balls on the end.  I’m looking forward to all of that.  I’m looking forward to seeing how this set will be different from my first, which locs will be lumpy (as some of them inevitably will) and which ones will end up being my favorites (as some of them inevitably will).  I’m so excited to start this process all over again.  Nappy hair is such a beautiful thing.